Have you ever read through one of those marriage books and thought, “Yeah, but what do you REALLY do in your marriage?” Or maybe you’ve scrolled through the good old Instagram feed and started seriously doubting the realness of what you saw in the picture?
Well, good news people! Cuz this post is all about the real stuff. These tips and hacks aren’t a bunch of pie in the sky crap, it’s the real stuff Kristy actually does to help create a better marriage and a stronger family. If you’ve been looking for someone to actually talk about what and how they do stuff…welcome to the real world!
Hack #1: Work Out In The Morning!
This is actually a BIG one, which is why we’re putting it down first. Studies show (don’t ask me which ones, just google it ok!) that working out releases endorphins (which is just a fancy way of saying really happy feeling chemicals). These endorphins help your mood stay positive about yourself, life, and your marriage. Who doesn’t want that?
Plus, you get the feeling of a win for the day. When you feel better about yourself it creates a trigger in your brain that says, “Hey, look what I just did, I’ll bet I can conquer anything now!” This thought is important because throughout your days, weeks, months, and years…you’re gonna face a lot of hard stuff. Having a bunch of wins under your belt helps you navigate the future hard times way easier!
Hack #2: Sleep 8+ Hours a Night
We’ve all heard it before, but when we actually started to prioritize our sleep something amazing happened…Actually, it’s not that amazing it’s pretty predictable. It’s just funny how we both thought we could beat science with sheer will-power. What happened was we were a lot more patient, grace filled, and loving toward one another. Getting the rest we need has done wonders for us as a couple. Plus, going to bed together has brought about a lot more romantic endings to our day recently too! ; )
I know, I can hear all you parents with infants and toddlers screaming, “I’d LOVE to get 8 hours of sleep! Tell my kid to stop waking me up every 30 minutes and maybe it can happen!” Listen, we’ve been there. And, we’ve screamed the same thing at the stupid people who’s kids sleep through the night and then tell others to get more sleep.
Here’s the thing. If you’re in this stage of life, and I promise we were too, hang in there. What we had to do was get creative. We would trade off and give naps on days we could. We would give ourselves permission to not be as productive and spend more time just resting. Maybe not sleeping, but resting. Figure out some creative ways to add rest and sleep into your life for the benefit of your marriage.
Hack #3: Create Transitions
Ok, so this one may be new for you so let me explain. Not long ago it became apparent that switching from one thing to another sporadically was taking a tole on us. What we found out is that Kristy works best when she can create what we call transitions. These are small amounts of time spent mentally preparing for what’s next instead of just jumping from project to project like a 3-year old on Red Bull.
For Kristy, she needs a few minutes to transition from mom to wife. Or, from stuff around the house to time with friends. Even going to the gym takes a few moments to center her mind around what she is coming out of and what she’s going into.
Here’s what she says,
“What I will do from time to time is just scoot away for like 2:00 minutes when you come home. I switch my brain to say, ‘Ok, Eric’s home, I can be a wife now, ask about his day, etc.’ it helps me shift my role from mom and house-maid to wife…I just do better when I can transition mentally from one thing to another!”
If you’re like Kristy and transitions are important here’s a couple of question hacks to use in your own brain so that you can make the switch in 2:00 or less:<br>1 Is there anything I need to wrap up before I can move on?<br>2 Do I need to communicate anything to my spouse so they’re on the same page?<br>3 What’s 1 thing I can look forward to next?<br>4 Who do I get to be with next and why am I happy about that?
Hack #4: Create A Cleaning Schedule
One of the things that Kristy does that’s created a lot more wins is clean on a schedule instead of in response to the mess. This has helped reduce stress, create a clean space, and save time.
For example. Mondays are often about laundry, Tuesdays might be the kitchen, Wednesdays will be the main rooms and so on. Each day has one or two things that are cleaning goals. This allows Kristy to feel like she’s successful even if a few other things are a bit messy still. She knows those things will get tackled on their days, and she can still feel great about what she did today.
If you feel like you’re constantly running around and responding to the messes in your home. Create a schedule for what you will clean on which day. Don’t fill your day with cleaning, just choose one thing. Then celebrate that thing when it’s done.
#5 Share The Load
This has probably been the biggest win for us. When Kristy shares her expectations for the day or week as early as possible it sets all of us up for success.
There have been plenty of times where Kristy has had something in her mind all week, but because it only ever stayed in her mind it didn’t get done. This was like a slap to the face and a kick to the butt all at the same time. She would have this look on her face like someone just peed on her dog (I’m not sure that’s an actual thing, but imaging that face!)
Frustrated that something didn’t get done when it was an expectation made things around our house pretty tense to say the least. So, what she’s started doing now is sharing early what her expectations are. Now, just because she shares them, doesn’t mean they are going to get done, but at least she is sharing the load and I know how I can help make her week awesome!
We will often have a bit of dialogue about each of our expectations for a weekend or a day and then come to a decision together about what the priority items are and what can wait for another time.
When we communicate this stuff well, everything goes way better!
If you want to hear more about these hacks and the others we talk about. Check out Episode 35 of the Mommy Daddy Time Podcast Here!
Be sure to follow us on Instagram and facebook (@mommydaddytimepodcast) or send us your questions for the team by emailing ask@mommydaddytimepodcast.com